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Screw 2009
Seriously. Screw 2009. Not even two months in and already it's a giant mess for many reasons. This is just the latest one.
California isn't happening this year. I'm really upset. I needed/wanted that vacation, and I have nowhere else to go. Everything has been so sucky lately that having that to look forward to, even if it was only going to be in June, would have been a nice pick-me-up.
First the trip was on, and got my hopes up, and now it's off. And even if it were to go back on for some reason, I still wouldn't feel welcome, and it would be awkward and uncomfortable. At this point I wonder if I'll feel wholly welcome there again. I didn't realize my visits were such an inconvenience because I tried to stay as innocuous as possible. I paid for my own groceries, I didn't ask for anything, and I didn't want anyone else to have to spend money on or because of me. All I want is to spend time with my friends.
People tell me I should go somewhere else, but I can't afford to fly and pay for my place to stay, especially in the US when the exchange rate is so horrible. My only choice is to be able to stay with someone, and if I can't, then no trip.
This is a sacrifice on my part. I don't care that it saves me money. I sacrifice so that someone else won't be annoyed/mad, but in the end I'm going to suffer for it because I will be losing the joyous anticipation I get from this trip.
And a worse part: Kel is in Cuba this week. She wanted me to come along, and it was about $1000 all-inclusive. I told her no, because then I wouldn't be able to afford California. So she's having a blast right now, and I've got nothing to look forward to.
I am angry, upset, disappointed. This is probably because I'm selfish, because I know that getting my way would have put a strain on another relationship, but that's the way I feel. I'm also hurt, because I thought I was liked and instead I'm an inconvenience.
To add insult to injury, after not sleeping well last night this morning my train didn't come and we had to smoosh two trains worth of people into one train. Or at least we tried. It didn't really work.
I keep saying someday I'll make a real update so I can talk about everything that's been wrong with 2009 so far, but hell if I feel like it now or anytime soon. Screw 2009.
California isn't happening this year. I'm really upset. I needed/wanted that vacation, and I have nowhere else to go. Everything has been so sucky lately that having that to look forward to, even if it was only going to be in June, would have been a nice pick-me-up.
First the trip was on, and got my hopes up, and now it's off. And even if it were to go back on for some reason, I still wouldn't feel welcome, and it would be awkward and uncomfortable. At this point I wonder if I'll feel wholly welcome there again. I didn't realize my visits were such an inconvenience because I tried to stay as innocuous as possible. I paid for my own groceries, I didn't ask for anything, and I didn't want anyone else to have to spend money on or because of me. All I want is to spend time with my friends.
People tell me I should go somewhere else, but I can't afford to fly and pay for my place to stay, especially in the US when the exchange rate is so horrible. My only choice is to be able to stay with someone, and if I can't, then no trip.
This is a sacrifice on my part. I don't care that it saves me money. I sacrifice so that someone else won't be annoyed/mad, but in the end I'm going to suffer for it because I will be losing the joyous anticipation I get from this trip.
And a worse part: Kel is in Cuba this week. She wanted me to come along, and it was about $1000 all-inclusive. I told her no, because then I wouldn't be able to afford California. So she's having a blast right now, and I've got nothing to look forward to.
I am angry, upset, disappointed. This is probably because I'm selfish, because I know that getting my way would have put a strain on another relationship, but that's the way I feel. I'm also hurt, because I thought I was liked and instead I'm an inconvenience.
To add insult to injury, after not sleeping well last night this morning my train didn't come and we had to smoosh two trains worth of people into one train. Or at least we tried. It didn't really work.
I keep saying someday I'll make a real update so I can talk about everything that's been wrong with 2009 so far, but hell if I feel like it now or anytime soon. Screw 2009.