Sep. 25th, 2009

tripathy: (Default)
(If you don't know what this is about by now, then it wouldn't matter to you anyway.)

Yes, I knew. I've known for two years now. She actually confessed it to me, very suddenly and spontaneously one day. I was one of three (as far as I know) who received this confession, and all three of us kept it to ourselves.

I hope that nobody is angry at me for not telling them (although apparently some of you found out anyway through other means). I cannot speak for the others, but I can give my reasons why I kept the secret, biting my tongue hard every time anyone asked me about her.

1) I believe that people's secrets are their own to reveal or not reveal. Because this secret tied in with her real life identity, I considered it to be personal and thus couldn't cross that line myself. Still, I always kind of hoped that someone else would reveal it one day so that I wouldn't have to.

2) I wanted to protect people. I felt horrible upon finding out the truth, like I had been used and played for a fool. It hurt, and I didn't want others to have to feel that way if they didn't have to. By that time she had been gone from LJ for a while anyway. When she returned a few months ago (yes, that french post was about her), she didn't stay long. As long as she wasn't here, I thought that it might be better if people could just keep their good memories. If she didn't stick around, no further harm could be done. So although I wanted someone else to tell, part of me still never wanted the rest of you to find out. Why hurt people for no reason?

I just want to say that if she had returned, tried to play the part and string people along again, I would not have stayed quiet. My french post was sort of a warning to that effect.

3) I wanted to avoid wank. Honestly, I have zero interest in wank, be it participating in it or even just reading it. My internet life is small now, limited to reading my f-list and chatting with a select few (no forums or communities of any kind). I didn't know if this would have gone splodey, and I didn't want it to go splodey all over me. I still don't, so I'm not going to tell my whole story.

She's not the person who was our friend. That person was an act. I can tell you from experience that there are differences between the character and the real person, in the "voice", the tone, the things that were said. Once we had been told the truth, there was no adjustment time--she was suddenly a different person. We weren't talking to our old friend anymore; we were talking to someone we didn't know, who then complained that we were treating her differently. Did she not realize that she was different when she wasn't him?

To be honest, I miss that fake person and the good times we had, but he is never coming back. One thing I have to say is that she was very good at what she did--a great writer and roleplayer. I suppose practice made perfect when for three years there was never a point when she wasn't roleplaying.

But I cannot abide liars, and this one will not be forgiven anytime soon.


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